I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
