I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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