If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
