Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
