i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what day is it and did you see me today?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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