You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
