nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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