i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
