Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
