Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
