too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
