The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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