ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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