May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
