you would pick up someone in the library
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
