Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
