Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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