i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
