get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
