This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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