So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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