I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I need water and some morals
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
