2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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