The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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