dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
