"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
