Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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