Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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