i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
