You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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