i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
