ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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