It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
