I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
