So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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