Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
