it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
