is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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