that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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