4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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