I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
