gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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