Im at strip club and am horny
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
home. puking in laundry basket.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
