You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
