Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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