I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
