well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no you cant smoke seaweed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
