no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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