oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
