a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
