I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
