if i can run in heels then i can drive
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
