If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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