Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
