Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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