when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
