I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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