did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
