she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
