I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You've changed since you got that strap on
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
